Secrets, we all have them. Some of us are an open book and others keep things locked down, but even those of us that are an open book still have something hanging over our head. Maybe it’s something simple like going 5-10 mph over the speed limit every day on our way to work or maybe it’s something darker like cheating on a significant other.
Don’t you think with time, that eventually your secret will come full circle and someone will find out? Because with secrets there are lies and how can one person keep up with the magnitude of lies that it takes to cover up deep, dark secrets. I’m sure at this point you are probably wondering, “Wow what kind of secret is she hiding?” or maybe you are thinking of the one that you are hiding as well.
I have a lot of secrets…. Why do I have them? I guess because I feel inadequate and I feel like if someone knew everything about me they definately wouldn’t like me. What types of things do I keep away from my family? I guess one of my biggest secrets is that I was raped when I was in the Army. A lot of people are aware of this, but what they don’t know is that I can’t stand being touched. I lie and have told boyfriends and my spouse that I love it when they touch me, but in fact my skin crawls. I hate that, because when I am touched it should feel good and I should like it. I’m talking about things as simple as a hug and it reminds me of that day that was taken from me.
That is one of my many secrets. What would my husband say if he knew this? Would he tell me, “Baby I understand, maybe we should work on this together.” or would he be mortified to know that every time he puts his hands on me I want to scream?
My best friend that I have talked about before, tries to touch me every time he sees me. I literally just want to puke, why can’t he keep his hands off me? Am I doing something wrong? I’m not though, I have thought about it and replayed numerous days that we have done things together and I have never done anything to lead him on and when he has tried to touch me I tell him no, but it’s like he thinks it’s funny so it makes him try harder….
Secrets…. Do we keep things from our kids? Maybe they won’t see us the same way if they knew we tried drugs in school or we slept with however many people. How would they find out anyway right? Plus, according to all the best psychologists we are supposed to parent our kids and not be their friends. I disagree, I think you can parent your kids and be their friend. I try to be as open and honest with my daughters as I can, because I want them to make smart choices as they are getting older.
Secrets….Do they linger in the shadows? Are they hidden away in our drawers underneath the clothes? Does someone else know about it and they hold it over your head? Will they eventually come back to haunt us?
What secret are you keeping? Are you sure that no one else knows about it? Sometimes it’s better just to put it out there, instead of waiting for it to rear it’s ugly head. Because then it may destroy numerous lives and not just yours.