Lately I have felt like…maybe I’m not being the best person that I can be. I think I’m a good person, with a good heart, but I have so much room for improvement. I see people and how happy they are and wish that I was them.
I guess it’s hard to explain…there are days that I feel like I’m going through the movements of life. I’m not sure if that makes sense to anyone, but I feel like I watch people including my family and It’s like a scene from a movie. I’m part of it, but It’s like I’m just going through the motions. I have battled depression for 15 years and I have struggled a lot during those 15 years. I would be jealous of friends and family because they were so happy and why couldn’t I get there? Why was God letting me feel like this, when I had so much to live for? It sucks because in my head I can picture how I want to be and how happy I could be, but I can’t reach that point.
So I decided that I would make small goals for myself, so that I don’t feel overwhelmed. Many of you know I’m working on losing weight and that is important to me, but happiness is my goal and first priority. Don’t get me wrong losing 15 pounds would make me very happy, but not the way that I want. I want to enjoy life, even when things are difficult I want to enjoy the journey. After all our time here is limited.
My goal for tomorrow is to make eye contact with two different people, strangers. Why? Because making eye contact for me has been very difficult, I’ve had low self-esteem ever since I was raped almost 20 years ago. I am going to make a point to make eye contact and say “hello.” Maybe it will be at the grocery store, the bank or out and about. I don’t think we realize how many people we encounter in a day, that just saying “hey” to a person could completely change that persons day.