There are so many things that I still want to do with my life. I realize that I’m turning 38 this year, but I have so many things that I want to do. I have three kids and my oldest is turning 18 on Wednesday, time goes by so fast. I realized that I spent a lot of time raising my kids and there are things that I’ve missed. I was in the military for 8 years and then I raised my kids and waitressed. I’m on my third marriage….
I’m in school working on my Bachelor’s degree in nursing. I won’t graduate until May 2014, when my other daughter that’s 16 will graduate high school. She is wanting to move to Tennessee or North Carolina and I am planning on looking for a job there as well. I HATE Ohio and have wanted to move for years, but I do have kids and my husband grew up here. I’ve have lived in Detroit, Ft. Bragg, NC, and small town Ohio. There are tons of benefits living in the small town, but I am ready to move on.
Why am I talking about this? Because this is where the problem starts. Before my husband and I got married in 2009 I was offered a job in Washington State working on a military base as an LPN. The thought of moving that far scared me, but it was exciting as well. I talked to my husband about this for months, he was the one faxing all my resumes to the different military posts. We thought we would fly out there and check things out for a few days and then go from there. He seemed supportive, but a little hesitant and I can’t blame him, he has never lived anywhere else. I was in touch with the Manager of the surgical floor just about every day and he really needed an answer, so I asked if I came out there in the next couple of weeks to look around and give him an answer if that would be ok. He agreed, because he knew that this was a big move for us.
I was checking flights, talking to my parents and my kids when I ran across an email that my husband sent to his sister. I know you are probably wondering if I was checking his email, no I wasn’t he didn’t log out and when I opened my Yahoo account I realized that it was his. I saw that his sister had responded to his email and you could read part of it on the screen. What it basically said was that if he didn’t feel like moving he needed to let me know and she didn’t think moving that far was a good idea. I was shocked that he threw me under the bus like this, he was supportive to my face but in reality he didn’t want to move. Needless to say I didn’t take the job, but I’ve held a lot of resentment towards him because of his dishonesty with me. The next huge thing that happened was in October 2010, I had a call for an interview in Tennessee. My husband and I were seriously looking at relocating at this time and we were very excited. We took the kids down to Tennessee and started looking at the area and loved it, the next day I had the interview and was offered the job on the spot. After a three hour interview, my family was getting on edge sitting out in the car wondering what was going on. We went to a Burger King across the street from where I interviewed and I explained everything to my family. The kids were thrilled, my husband broke down in tears. I had no idea what was going on, we were looking at Tennessee for almost a year and here was our opportunity. He said that it was faster than he thought this would happen and he didn’t know if he could do it. I was pissed to say the least and the kids were telling everyone at school that we were moving even before the job offer. When we came home he told his parents about it (they live right across the street) and they weren’t thrilled but said if that’s what we wanted to do they would be supportive. My husband still just couldn’t do it and I turned the job down.
So…..part of me going back to school was so that I would have more opportunities for jobs and that we would move when Gabby my currently 16 year old graduates. My fear? That he won’t move and I’ve tried to talk to him about this and he said, “What do you want me to tell you? I don’t know how I’m going to feel when it happens. I’ve always lived here, but I want to try something different and we liked Tennessee.” He says that, but I don’t think he will move. He has worked at the same place for 11 years, with no benefits, no insurance and no retirement. He’s comfortable making very little, but loving his job at a sporting goods store in our small town.
This goes back to all the things that I still want to do with my life. I don’t want to be here forever and he knew that when we got married, so the fear that he won’t move is there.
My other fear? That eventually we won’t work out, because I can’t have any more kids. He knew this too before we got married, but now all his friends are having kids and mine are all older. We’ve tried adopting, but haven’t been successful. Tried adopting out of foster care, because we did that for two years and we weren’t blessed to adopt that way either. I will leave this topic for another day….
I am still working on the weight and did 2 miles on my bike tonight and half a mile on the treadmill with the highest incline. We will see what the scale says tomorrow:).